Will my five-year-old kids ever give up thumb-sucking?

As children get older, it gets harder to accept some of their habits. Thumb-sucking in particular bothers many parents who find it embarrassing and frustrating. While you probably tolerated thumbsucking earlier on, you may believe it’s now inappropriate.

A three- or four-year-old who sucks his thumb probably does so less often than he once did. This is partly because he’s now occupied with school, after-school activities, and friends. Most children these ages are inclined to suck their thumbs in private or when they’re with family members.

Even though thumb-sucking decreases with age, most parents of a four- or five-year-old want their child to give up the habit completely. Some may argue with their child over thumb-sucking and end up in power struggles. Some parents back off for a while, and others give up in frustration, at a loss for what to do.

There are a number of reasons a four- or five-year-old sucks his thumb. It may be a well-established habit he hasn’t felt pressured to break, or he may not be emotionally ready to stop. He may suck his thumb at night to help him fall asleep. If he feels insecure at school, he may seek comfort through thumb-sucking, or he may do it when he faces family situations he can’t control, such as sibling rivalry, divorce, or constant tension.

Sometimes a four- or five-year-old gives up thumb-sucking in response to teasing and peer pressure. “Ooh, you still suck your thumb. That’s for babies! I stopped sucking my thumb when I was two!” However, a child with a strong thumb-sucking habit may not respond at all to negative comments or care if other people watch him.

To help your child give up thumb-sucking, ask your child, “How can we help you stop sucking your thumb?” Remember that, while thumbsucking is a problem for you, it may not seem like one to him.

You can suggest that your child wear a bandage on his thumb to remind him not to suck, or you can gently signal him when he puts his thumb in his mouth. This is more effective than abruptly pulling on his hand or angrily saying, “Take your thumb out of your mouth!”

Try distractions that occupy his hands—playing with play dough or helping in the kitchen. Avoid having him watch TV or do other activities where he’s likely to suck his thumb. Reduce the amount of stress he’s exposed to. Don’t shame or ridicule him. It takes time to give up a habit, especially one that’s so satisfying.

You might want to work out an agreement. If he stops sucking his thumb, he gets a reward. One family kept a daily chart for their daughter, and after a week of checkmarks for not sucking her thumb, she got a special game.

As you help your child give up his habit, create an atmosphere of respect in your home, and try to keep him from feeling humiliated or embarrassed because of his thumb-sucking. Don’t let your other children make fun of him. If he seems particularly anxious, he may be feeling too pressured. You might want to slow down your attempts to eliminate his habit, or hold off for a few weeks.

Throughout this process, give lots of positive feedback. “You’re really trying hard.” Don’t be surprised if steps forward are followed by steps backward. It’s not easy for your child to give up thumb-sucking, especially if the initiative is yours and not his.